a little squirrelly

It seems there were seven houses of worship in a Texas town: the Presbyterian Church, the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, two Churches of Christ, the Catholic Church and a Jewish Synagogue. However, each had a common problem – their property was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

In the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The elders of one of the Churches of Christ determined squirrels were not mentioned in the New Testament so they put up a sign,  started making regular announcements and had the preacher preach some sermons to the effect “Squirrels Aren’t Scriptural!” This did nothing to solve the squirrel problem but it make some of the elders and members feel better about it.

Consequently, the Church of Christ across the street put up a sign that said, “We’re nuts about squirrels!” and put out a few bowls of peanuts. Obviously, this didn’t improve the squirrel problem, but it did add to their distinctiveness from the Church of Christ across the street and got them wrote up in several publications.

The Catholic Church baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. This solution worked to some degree – now they only see the squirrels on Christmas and Easter, but they do come in mass numbers on those days.

But it was the members of the Jewish synagogue who struck up upon a solution that truly worked. They took one squirrel and had a short service with him called ‘circumcision.’ They haven’t seen a squirrel on their property since!


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