Humor – western dialogue

Here are some bits of dialogue that you probably won’t hear John Wayne or Clint Eastwood speaking in a western:

“I reckon I’ll have me a half-calf double latte with a twist. In a dirty mug!”

“Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boy’s room.”

“Let’s see . . . hardtack and pemmican . . . that’s three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and only 7 net carbs.”

“That’s him! That’s the yellow-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!”

“He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration.”

“Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my behind look big?”